It cannot be understated enough in empowering, resilient wise children, teenagers, and adults that to be resilient you need to be able to have the ability to not only ask for help, when we need it, but also receive it. This topic is huge as it involves each one of us practicing our character strength of courage, trust, vulnerability, honesty, and just pure rawness, to name just a few.
There is a need for us to feel safe and secure when we are asking for help, especially over difficult circumstances of loss, bullying or abuse. Having people both children and ourselves can trust, who do not judge us, and accept us for who we are, allows us an anchor and give a solid foundation for us to be, do and have what we desire.
It is important for not only children, but adults to have a friend, family member, colleague or mentor that we can trust enough to ask for help when we need it. Have you had a conversation with your children about who they would ask for help in different places, such as the home, the garden, the swimming pool, shops or school?
Asking for help, also means we are on the way in being ready to receive help. Which can be just as challenging as asking, as many of our belief systems train us to ‘suck it up’, It’ll be alright,’ Man up’ or, I can handle this myself.’
Receiving help is by no means finding someone to meet our needs at every drop and call and shifting our responsibility from ourselves to others. But there are times when we all need someone else’s perspective, openness and non- judgemental listening that aids our empowerment of being true to ourselves. A viewpoint that maybe given in seeing our situation from another angle of awareness can make all the difference at times.
Asking for help eventually involves how will we respond to that help in either accepting or rejecting it. This may create a new awareness and way of thinking and being in the ‘doing’ of our lives. The answers that are given or discovered can often be a challenge to our identity and may likely involve acceptance and letting go of old patterns of habits that do not serve us, to then act in a new way.
Ultimately asking for help opens us up to a space where we review ourselves to the answer from within ourselves or to those given to us from our outer environment.
A mindfulness practice is one strategy that helps the individual to begin to see the patterns of self without judgement and then often answers can be answered through this own inner observation.
I have found in my teaching when children ask for help in a classroom activity, they often know the answer as they can answer, ‘What do you feel you could do? Or what do you feel the answer or next step could be?
Within the first chapter of ‘A Wise Apple Tree Helps Me’ – Top Tips for Wise Kids, the question ‘Who do I ask for help? is asked, Sam goes to his Grandfather for help with what is happening at home or at school? This senario was designed to provide a gateway and stimulate a discussion around this topic.
On final point to consider in closing is asking, ‘How am I demonstrating to the children in my life, the way I ask and receive help? Why not ask your child and hear their perception? Does it match yours?
May you and your child(ren) continue to feel safe to ask a question when needing help weather with you or another.
- Andrew Holt
Follow Andrew on Facebook, Andrew Holt Educator Author.